Its been a long time since i last posted.

Was very happy on 26th feb 09, cuz sth i nv expected had happened..
But i knew good things nv last long for me...

although it was oni 2 days.. im satisfied already...

i knew there was already someone in her heart since long ago.. that was why i nv mention anything abt my feelings to her...

im happy for her to go after her feelings.. after all, i want her to be happy...

we are still best frens :)

I was searching for my "Xun Yi Cao" novel and happened to come across the box where I kept my memories with her. Din managed to find the book though bud found the class fotos taken in sec 3 & 4.

Read the letters that she wrote and look through the things that she made for me... it brings back memories. She blamed herself when we first broke up... bud it shld be my fault and it has always been my fault. I caused her pain and made her went through a whole year of hell. I ignored her...

I have been haunted by my guilt since graduation in sec 4. For the past 3-4 years, I felt miserable, I dunno why but the memories keep coming back to me... I was a jerk, maybe I still am... I hurt the girl who once truly cared for me badly... I cant forgive myself.

About 2 years ago, I tried to apologize... but she told me not to mention the matter again...

I'm sorry...

"How are you so sure that results promises your future"... those were the exact words written in the letter for me... she was right.

So what if I'm 1st/2nd of my diploma... I don't feel happy at all... there are things that I once possessed and now lost. I yearned for it once more, bud I cant get it anymore... I feel lonely and uncared...

Now that she has found someone who truly loves her and care for her, I feel happy for her.

I got a rush to speak of this matter but there was no one whom I can mention it to... so it ends up here. If I dun say it now, I dunno whether I will have the chance to say it again.

I'm sorry... Wish you happiness

要维持不败，真的好累。。。好辛苦

sth is really happening..

i haf been observing it for the past 2 and 1/2 mths.. bud it has been happening more often recently.. today was the most serious one...

i might actually be gone juz like dat, maybe not now, bud i expect it to be in a few years time... if you think its suicide, its nth of that sort...

to whomever happens to pass by and noe who i am, pls keep this to yourself...

finally my intern ending this friday... get to haf abt 1wk+ of holi...

on the day of sch start or the day after got higher maths test... now where got time to revise maths 1-3... intending to drop higher maths... also told my parents dat i dun intend to take it, but they seems quite unhappy wif my decision...

have been thinking alot these dayss... really alot~
getting more and more emo by the day..
sometimes i oso dunno wad im feeling... even right now, i oso dunno wad im feeling... probably juz emo

went to friendster and viewed my friend's profiles.. of course those that are not in my added frens...my secondary mates...

lolss brought back sweet memories bud also some things dat i do not wish to remember..

wonder gladys and hoting still together or not.. they are one pair of funny couple.. went through so much den realise that they like each other... even though their friendster's profile put single, but i think they are still together...

saw xinying's profile, oso single... from there i saw kaisheng's profile oso.. in kaisheng's profle, one of the comments that gladys left was calling him "jie fu"
xinying and gladys are like "jie mei" and if im not wrong, gladys calls xinying "da jie"

when i was studying in tpjc in the first 3 mths, kaisheng, xinying, gladys and hoting came once.. that time i saw them damn close... heard a comment from gladys that hints dat they are together.. bud i din bother abt that.. cuz i believe that i don't like her anymore...

xinying was the gal that i liked for 2 years when i was in secondary... and for those 2 years, i nv spoke to her... i noe that she treats like a normal fren and we will never be together... bud i continued to like her...

as the days go by... i like her even more... everynite, juz the thought of there will be no outcome between us makes me tear...
those days was the most terrible day of my life till now... i juz lived in disappointment and get hurt day by day...

when i went to sec 3, i forced myself to stop thinking abt her and tried to go on wif my life.. i tried to forget everything abt her... and i managed to come out ok..

bud whenever i see her, the feelings will come to me.. bud i will always avoid her...

after viewing her profile, looking at her photos.. memories flow back... even though i think i do not like her as much rite now... but the pain and memories still haunts me... maybe theres still sth inside me bud i dun wish to face it..

sry for this boring post... i dun even think that all these makes any sense...

life got bored these few days.. though i have finished my part of the internship, the internship has not finished yet ._.
everyday juz go office and slack, watch movies and family guy... sigh~

the juniors juz came this wed so for the past 3 days i taught them some house rules and things regarding the project

last fri was the re-opening ceremony of singapore innohub, the media was here so yar... woon was on tv once again.. then they even record the news lorr.. nicky passed me a cd yest to ask me to make 2 additional copies.. so i was curious, went to look wads in it and chey, its the news report of the ceremony -.-"""

guess i wont be having any holi this time round again. next wk is october le, and sch starts on the 22nd, juniors juz came so still needa teach them...

sometimes i really wonder if im meant to be someone or wad.. every gal i noe is either attached le or end up becoming frens/sisters sigh~~

been thinking alot these few days.. esp after toking to zul regarding his probs.. i keep reflecting on the past.. i was a big jerk then... not sure if im still one tough.. feeling kinda emo at times...

maybe im really meant to be alone all the way...

so tired.. stayed at office till 8.30pm on fri to finish debugging the program cuz woon say he going down to philips on mon afternoon to see the demo. he said that he dun wan to see any cock ups cuz fri is the opening ceremony and the media will be there ._.

haven been sleeping well for the whole week so i spent most of time today (saturday) making up to my sleep.

lolsss sth that makes me happy is i got my 5th catherine pelvis in ge! hahaha im indeed the pelvis hunter.. dats wad my guildmates call me =P

i shld be getting back to grinding.. blog next time...